Did I ever mention how I realized I was trans?

I know this has occasionally come up so some readers are certainly aware of at least the rough outline. But seeing that it's nowhere on the blog, I figure I should put it here for the posterity and the benefit lulz of others.

May 10^th, 2013, I had the first date of my life. It went well, to say the least. You know the joke "what does a lesbian bring to a second date? A moving truck"? Well, that pretty much happened. And all of a sudden I had a girlfriend.

I can't remember if it came up on my screensaver or if she found it on Facebook (probably the former), but a week or so later she saw a picture of me that caught her attention.

Pre-alpha Rachel prototype

I was horribly embarrassed that she saw that. "Is that you," she incredulously asked. I turned bright red. "Uh... yeah," I stammered. "It was a thing they did, up at my last college," I hastened to add, "Dragfest, everyone dressed in drag and got wasted." Yeah, that justified it.

May 24^th, two weeks after our first date: she's sitting on the couch out front and I'm in the kitchen for some reason. She calls to me. "So, uhm... those pictures of you in drag."

I freeze. "Yeah..."

"Well, you know I'm bi. And... I like having a girlfriend."

'Is she asking for this relationship to be open,' I'm wondering, 'and what does that have to do with those embarrassing pictures?' "Okay..."

"So I was wondering if you might be willing to dress up and be my girlfriend sometimes."

Time stopped. My heart pounded in my ears and my temperature shot up a few degrees. This couldn't be happening, but it was. That's it, now or never. This is my one and only chance. "Can I be your girlfriend all the time?"

My mind was so reeling I don't even remember quite what she said next. But she quickly got to asking me if I was trans. "Yeah... I'm sorry." I couldn't help but apologize.

Her response, in effect? "Well that explains a lot." I was confused by that; I asked what she meant. She told me I kissed and made love like a girl, that it explained my 'issues' with using my hardware in bed, that it explained some of my quirks and anxieties, why she was attracted to me after having written off guys and decided she was a lesbian. Less seriously, she joked about how I and our relationship were conforming to lesbian stereotypes.

She said if I wanted to be her girlfriend all the time, I could be. She loved me as her boyfriend and she'd love me as her girlfriend.

And that's how I realized I was really trans, that it wasn't just idle ideation. I had my chance to make it happen, and I took it. And for giving me that chance (and for helping me start to transition, and teaching me how to be a girl, and helping name me, and...) I am eternally grateful.